


With Every Breath

by purgatorynightmares



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Ficlet, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Short, Suicidal Thoughts, something reminded me of this and I couldn't find it so I wrote it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-26
Updated: 2013-11-26
Packaged: 2018-01-02 18:08:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1059916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purgatorynightmares/pseuds/purgatorynightmares
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean isn't sure what to do: he's never seen Castiel so low. Eventually, he helps out the only way he can think of.</p>
            </blockquote>





	With Every Breath

"Once I told you that I'm afraid I might kill myself, Dean. That," Castiel's voice broke,"that fear is even stronger now."

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas. It should have been awkward, perhaps it actually was, but somehow it still seemed right.

"I don't know what to say, Cas. I'm no good with the emotional crap, you know that, man."

"I just wanted to..." Cas trailed off, not even knowing where to begin explaining himself. Dean patted Castiel's back in an attempt to be soothing. The gesture didn't seem to be working, however, if the other man's wrenching sobs were anything to go by. Dean had no idea how to comfort his best friend, he'd never done anything to positively deal with his own emotions. Castiel had never been in such an emotional state in Dean's presence, or in anyone's probably. He had nothing to go on. Dean just kept patting Cas's back mechanically.

"I try to help, to do good, but I never- I never-" Cas choked on his own words, emitting a pained noise before continuing, "I feel like I only ever hurt people. I was created to be one of the Lord's soldiers, I was meant to be a hammer. I- I'm not. I'm nothing. Not anymore."

Castiel took a few shaky breaths. Continuing in a voice so low he could hardly be heard. "Sometimes I don't even feel alive."

Dean just sat for a moment. Slowly, carefully, he did the only thing he could think of to do. Dean cautiously disentangled his arms from Castiel, then set one hand on Castiel's chest. He left it there for a moment before speaking.

"Do you feel that, Cas? That's your heart. That's the sound it makes, that's the way it feels when it pumps your blood."

Dean lifted his hand and picked up Castiel's own from where it hung limply by his side. He brought both of their hand's close to Cas's face, less than an inch from his mouth.

"Feel that? That's the sound of you breathing. The in and out, the warmth means you still exist. You're still here."

Dean returned Cas's hand to its original place by his side. He leaned in, his face now just as close as his hand had been moments before.

"And this, Cas? This is what it feels like to know that you matter. This is what it feels like to be loved."

Dean let the air of his words brush against Castiel for a moment, allowing to sink in, allowing Cas to understand and to  _know_. Dean let himself close the distance, placing his lips gently against Castiel's own. He couldn't fix everything for Cas, but he could let Cas know that he mattered. Not just to the man he'd saved from Hell and his own hellish mind, but also to the rest of the  world, the people that he didn't know whom he'd saved along the way. Cas would never get it, get that he was loved and wanted and needed by more than he knew. But Dean could try his best to show Castiel that at the very least he was needed by this one man. Luckily enough, it was this same man that Castiel loved and wanted and needed, too.

**Author's Note:**

> Rated teen only for the suicidal thoughts
> 
> I swear I read something similar to this somewhere, but set in a long AU. I checked through everything, but I couldn't find a scene like this anywhere. I didn't want to forget it, so I (re)wrote it myself- changing a few things, of course. Please let me know if you can figure out where the inspiration came from- it's really been bugging me, or if you'd like me to make this into something longer. Any feedback is greatly appreciated!


End file.
